In the complex world of relationships, understanding the dynamics of lies and manipulation is crucial for safeguarding our emotional well-being. One such manipulative tactic is "Future Faking." It is often used by narcissists and individuals to manipulate a person to stay, to gain control and maintain power in a relationship.
Future Faking is a deceptive strategy where somebody makes grandiose promises about the future in order to secure your trust and affection in the present. These promises often revolve around major life commitments like marriage, travel plans, starting a family, or career opportunities, creating an alluring vision of the future that never materialises. With future-faking, many people find they are then living the now based on false hopes and fantasies of the future, rather than in grounded objective reality.
The Psychology Behind Future Faking
Manipulation: By painting a vivid picture of a shared future - that is often based on what they know you desire - the manipulator keeps you emotionally invested and hopeful.
Avoidance: It diverts attention from current relationship issues by focusing on a seemingly perfect future.
Emotional Leverage: The tactic exploits your dreams and desires, making it difficult to break away from the relationship.
Recognising the Signs of Future Faking
Future faking is very much like having a carrot on a stick constantly dangled in front of you. You may recognise traits like:
Broken Promises: Frequent promises are made but rarely fulfilled.
Deflection: Future plans are used to distract from present conflicts or shortcomings.
Inconsistency: There's a mismatch between words and actions; the future talk doesn't align with current behaviour.
Pressure: You feel rushed into decisions based on these future promises.
Protecting Yourself from Future Faking
Set Boundaries: Clearly define what you expect in terms of commitment and follow-through.
Seek Clarity: Ask for specifics about future plans and observe if they come to fruition.
Trust Actions Over Words: As I discuss in both of my self-help books 'How to Leave a Narcissist for Good' and "Raised by Narcissists", actions speak louder than words. Consistent behaviour is a truer indicator of intentions than promises.
Listen to Your Instincts: If something feels off, trust your gut and seek support from trusted friends or professionals.
Time-limit: Decide for yourself how long you are prepared to give something until you take alternative action.
Boundaries: Be clear about what you want and when by and if this is not met, action what you will as a consequence of that.
I have seen people who have wasted years, if not decades in the false hope and fantasy that their manipulative partner will give them what they wanted. for example, a marriage, a family etc only for that to never materialise and they later deeply regret it. Do not waste your time.
Healing from Future Faking
If you've experienced Future Faking, it's important to focus on healing and rebuilding trust in yourself. Here are some steps:
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It's okay to feel hurt and betrayed. Allow yourself to process these emotions.
Seek Support: Whether through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends, surrounding yourself with understanding individuals can aid in your recovery.
Reclaim Your Power: Focus on your goals and dreams independently of the relationship. Empower yourself by setting and achieving personal milestones.
In my books, "How to Leave a Narcissist for Good" and "Raised by Narcissists" there are chapters on 'Fantasy vs Reality' and practical ways of how to ground yourself in reality so that you can take an honest and object appraisal of the situation or relationship.
Remember, a healthy relationship is built on trust, honesty, and mutual respect. If Future Faking has been a part of your experience, know that you're not alone, and there are paths to healing and reclaiming your future.
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