Therapy for Trauma Bonds | Trauma Bond | Online Counselling

A Trauma Bond describes an unhealthy psychological and emotional connection that occurs between an abuser and the abused. The term originates from Stockholm Syndrome which is where a victim of abuse experiences sympathy, understanding and care for their captor.

With trauma bonds you can experience a complicated tie with an abusive person where you feel deep and both positive and negative feelings towards them. There is often a cycle of positive reinforcement and a sense of closeness and connection, followed by abuse, rejection, abandonment or punishment. There is a distinct power dynamic between two people. The pattern is typically abuse, followed by soothing and comfort. It can become highly destructive and addictive. However, it is incredibly unhealthy, unrealistic and arguably impossible for one person to be both the source of abuse and the soother to it. With this, there is a complex bond rooted in trauma. 

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Trauma bonds are often experienced in abusive relationships, narcissistic abuse, toxic relationships and coercive control. It can often be at the core of what makes leaving and ending toxic relationships difficult. 

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Some signs you are in a trauma bond include;

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• Not being able to recognise mistreatment or the unavailability or the partner.

• Denying or minimising abusive behaviour.

• Making excuses for or justifying another persons abusive behaviour.

• Being told and/or feeling like the abuse is your fault or something you have caused or deserve.

• Believing that intense dynamics is love. 

• Hiding the truth from friends, colleagues or family.

• Becoming more isolated from friends and family.

• Having low self-esteem.

• Doing less of the things you once enjoyed. 

• Find it difficult to stand up to or leave an abusive relationship. 

• Losing a sense of your self / loss of trust in oneself. 

• If or when you try to leave there are promises of change - there may be some changes temporarily but this never lasts. 

• Feeling confused, isolated and upset. 

• Feeling like you need to be with this person and can't cope without them. Abusers in trauma bonds often create a sense of dependence.

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​Trauma bonding is dysfunctional and unhealthy. It can have a devastating impact on your health and wellbeing both in the short and long-term. Staying in abusive dynamics impact on your self-esteem and self-worth. It can be traumatic and lead to complex trauma and PTSD.

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It is important that if you suspect you are in a trauma bond that you seek appropriate support and therapy for that. For more information or to book an appointment with Dr. Sarah Davies, please do not hesitate to get in touch.